Guiding Light
by rockstarhobbit
Summary: ABANDONED. Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There’s only one way to find out.
1. Blinded

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrel has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** I came up with this idea while watching the Season Premiere… Yay for Billy Campbell… he rocks!

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**Blinded"**

**---------------------------------**

"Come on James, you're doing great!" Those were the words that came out of Shawn Farrell's mouth as the teenager's grip on Shawn's hands tightened and a scared look flashed across his face.

Shawn sighed deeply. This wasn't gonna be good. It had been a year (a very long year) since he had last seen Danny, Nikki, his mom. Any of them. And the more he looked at James, the more he saw Danny in the younger boy's scared eyes.

He looked deeper, tightening his own grip. He saw Danny. The Danny before Shawn had been 'taken.' The Danny that was always there, and that was always going to be there (supposedly). The Danny that would have at least been worried if his older brother mysteriously disappeared for a year. That Danny.

Who knows, maybe Danny was worried. He didn't really care right now.

The more Shawn looked at the boy, the more he thought of Danny. And the more he thought about Danny, the more he thought about Nikki. The more he thought about Nikki, the more he thought about the world he had left behind.

James' grip tightened even more, pulling Shawn out of his memories. "Just a little more," Shawn coaxed, when suddenly an odd sensation ran thought him. A sensation he had never felt before.

His grip suddenly broke with the other boy as a sea of memories overflowed Shawn's mind. Some of them he remembered: Being at the lake with Kyle; suddenly appearing in the middle of some lake with 4399 people he didn't know; Kyle in the coma; nearly killing Danny.

Then there were some that he didn't remember: Those same 4399 strangers all in one area; being literally pulled upward at the lake; fighting, fighting against something.

A bright flash illuminated everything in his vision as he fell with a thud to the couch. The bright white light crowded his vision. He couldn't make it go away at all.

**---------------------------------**

Time seemed to take forever as Shawn simply looked at the bright light. It wasn't like he could look at anything else. Just the bright light.

It gave him time to wonder. What had happened? This had never happened before. Ever. It scared Shawn. A lot. What had happened to James? Was he all right? Was he stuck in the same predicament that Shawn was stuck in?

What was this place? Had he been abducted again?

Shawn was proceeding to get himself more and more upset the more and more he had time to think about it. He wanted to get out of this… this place, whatever it was. Only problem was, he couldn't move.

He was blinded by the bright white light.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

And there was nothing he could do about it. Absolutely nothing.

He just wished he could figure out what exactly had happened.

Slowly, everything faded from the uncomfortable brightness to a comfortable darkness as he felt his eyes closing.

**---------------------------------**

Once again, Shawn felt like he was fighting. Fighting something he could see. But he could feel it. And he didn't like it.

"Come on Shawn, don't do this…" he heard an urgent voice say. Suddenly, he could feel a strong grip on his shoulders, shaking him furiously.

He still didn't see anything. He still felt like he was fighting against someone/thing.

"Shawn, dammit, what is going on?" the voice asked again. Shawn made an attempt to answer, but nothing came out. A spasm of fear coursed through him.

"He's burning up," a female voice declared. It was then that he felt an icy cold hand on his head. In an attempt to get the cold hand away, he jerked his head to the side.

Needless to say, Shawn wasn't the only one who was shocked by his sudden movement. "Come on Shawn, you're doing great."

Shawn recognized the voice. Jordan Collier. That was why there was a sense of familiarity.

"You're doing great Shawn, just pull through this…"

"_Come on James, you're doing great…"_ He had used practically the same words before to the boy to try to calm him known. Now they were using the words to calm him down.

But he pretty much was already calm, he was just scared. Calm and scared. That was a bit of an oxymoron.

Shawn found that just a bit amusing. The irony was funny. He was 'the healer.' He was the one who could heal people with his touch. Now he was sick, or something like it, and there was nothing he could do. Yes, quite amusing.

"Shawn… you're not gonna give up…"

Jordan actually sounded scared and worried. He actually felt like Collier wasn't using him just because of this 'gift' that he had. He felt like Jordan was truly worried about him.

Or maybe he was just worried about how he was going to get money without exploiting him to get it.

He didn't know what to feel. He didn't know what to believe.

"Shawn…" he heard Collier's voice, but it was so distant as things began to fade. All feeling, all sight, everything began to fade.

He felt nothing.

Nothing. As his mind drifted off into darkness.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** So, what did you think? This is mainly going to be Shawn and Kyle. Next chapter will be Kyle. So please review and tell me what you think.


	2. Restraint

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrel has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** I came up with this idea while watching the Season Premiere… Yay for Billy Campbell… he rocks!

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**Restraint"**

**---------------------------------**

Kyle Baldwin looked at his father. "I am NOT going back!"

"It's just a check up Kyle, they're not going to do any tests or anything," Tom said to his son. It only made Kyle angrier.

"I don't care. I'm twenty-one, remember? You can't control my life anymore!" he shouted angrily.

Tom sighed in defeat. He knew it was just about hopeless, but he couldn't give up. No, he could not.

Kyle obviously didn't understand that this would be the last time he'd have to go back there, ever again. Tom couldn't seem to get that into his son's head.

"I talked to Shawn again," Kyle said, breaking the silence.

"Really?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," Kyle responded.

"How is he?" Tom asked. Kyle knew that he was the only person Shawn really talked to since he left. And those conversations were few and far between.

"Okay, I guess. Same old, same old. Talking about how great it is with Jordan Collier and how much better life is around people who understand…"

Tom looked at his son.

Kyle looked at his father.

They were both thinking the same thing. Shawn was lying.

"So are you ready to go to the doctors now?" Tom asked, trying one more time. Kyle glared at his father. "It'll be the last time, I promise." Tom added.

Kyle sighed in defeat. "Fine. But no more after this, promise?"

Tom smiled and nodded as he put an arm around his son's shoulders. He was just so glad that Kyle was back to normal, even though he was short a best friend. "Come on," he said.

**---------------------------------**

The two of them drove to the hospital and Tom could see his son visibly getting tenser and tenser as they got closer and closer to the hospital parking lot.

Tom did feel bad for making Kyle go through so much, but he had to, he needed to get answers, even though all those tests did nothing to help his cause.

Like always, the car ride seemed to take forever, but neither Tom nor Kyle could get rid of the bad feeling deep inside their gut.

**---------------------------------**

Soon enough, they made it to the hospital and oddly enough, Kyle was the first one out of the car. Tom never would have expected it.

"Where's the fire Kyle?" he asked jokingly.

"Let's just get this over with," Kyle said anxiously. He didn't want to be here. He didn't see a need in being here. He didn't remember anything; it wasn't like doing countless tests was going to make things better.

He knew it wouldn't.

Kyle and Tom walked down the all too familiar hallways. They were now more or less a second home to the pair. "I don't like it here," Kyle muttered under his breath.

It was really busy, as it always was when they walked through this part of the hospital. They needed to go through it in order to get to the doctor. Kyle looked around as he walked. It was the same, yet different every time. The walls never changed. The rooms never changed, but the people were always different, doing different things.

His eyes grazed all the rooms quickly as he worked his way through the busy people.

Soon, things got much less hectic. Kyle looked around. These were the actual rooms where surgery patients of long term patients were.

This was where Kyle wasted three years of his life. He sped up. The doctor's office was so close, and he just wanted to get out of there quickly.

Unfortunately, he stopped himself when his eyes grazed a familiar sight. His world slowed down and he felt his father slam into him, sending him forward a few steps. His eyes never left the room.

"What is it Kyle?" Tom asked, worried about why his son just randomly stopped in the middle of the hallway.

Kyle said nothing. He was temporarily paralyzed with fear and worry. His eyes never moved. His father soon figured out what was wrong as he followed Kyle's gaze.

"Shawn?"

**---------------------------------**

Tom stormed into the room, only to be restrained by one of the nurses. "What is going on?" he snapped.

Kyle walked in more casually than his father, being able to observe what was going on. There were five other people in the room besides him. His father was now being restrained by the nurse and another man he did not know.

Shawn was lying on one of those hospital beds, all types of wires and things hooked up to him, the steady beeping of the heart monitor being the only noise heard other than his father's heavy breathing. His eyes were shut, peacefully, but he looked like death-warmed over.

Jordan Collier was sitting in a nearby chair, just taking everything in. It took everything within Kyle to restrain himself not to shake the crap out of him. He wanted to know what was wrong with Shawn. And he wanted to know now.

"What's wrong with him?" Kyle asked, surprised at the calmness in his voice. Inside, his blood was boiling.

"I don't know," Jordan said, slowly standing up.

"What do you mean, you don't know!" Tom snapped bitterly, trying to break out of the tight grip that now held him from jumping down Collier's throat.

"I mean I don't know," Jordan repeated coolly.

Once again, Kyle found himself retraining himself from getting too angry. His eyes lingered back to Shawn and a strong feeling of anger flashed through him. That was replaced quickly though by a lasting pang of worry. Shawn was like a brother to him. And he couldn't' stand to see him like this.

His gaze flew back to Collier. An awkward silence settled over the room.

A long awkward silence. Finally, it wasn't Kyle or Jordan that broke it. It wasn't even Tom.

"He's in a comatose state," the nurse answered, letting go of Tom.

Kyle's world literally fell in. All those times he remembered Kyle saying that their places should have been switched. That they really wanted Kyle, but Shawn stopped them. Shawn was taken, Kyle ended up in a coma.

He felt his knees buckling underneath him. This wasn't happening. This couldn't happen. Slowly, he sat down in the chair that Collier wasn't near.

His world was spinning. Faster and faster. He had to get it to stop. But Shawn was practically dead. Kyle himself had been in a coma for three years. Three years. Shawn was missing for three years… they couldn't waste anymore time.

A few prolonged moments later, Kyle finally got everything to stop spinning.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, noting the bitter-angry tone in his voice.

Jordan sighed. "Long story."

Kyle felt his father's hand on his shoulder. He had almost forgotten that he was there. Thankfully he was. "We have time," Tom replied.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** Sorry if it wasn't exactly what you were expecting, but I do have a very decent plot in mind (for once) haha. I am still gonna write in my Lost and OC fics, but this just popped up. The next chapter shall be… Jordan?

PentagonMerlin - Thank you!

LivTyler - Danka!


	3. Two Families

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrel has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** Okay, I've attempted to form some sort of ritual to updating this story. I am currently writing two other stories and it will be "circular updating." Which ever one was last updated out of the three will be the next one updated.

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**Two Families"**

**---------------------------------**

Jordan didn't exactly know what to say, where to start. He was still under the scrutinizing glares of Kyle and Tom. He didn't exactly want to go through what had happened because he knew that Tom was going to beat the living daylight out of him, and his son would be next in line to if they even got the hint that it was anything near his fault.

He could always lie. Lying was something he was amazingly good at. He could make up a story off the top of his head. "Fine." He said, somewhat coolly.

**---------------------------------**

"Okay, so we were just talking, me and Shawn, he's a great kid, did you know that? Great kid. But anyways, we were talking and he just had a spasm of an attack, I didn't know what was really happening."

Jordan was looking at Kyle as he talked. He wasn't sure if looking at Tom was the greatest idea. Unfortunately that was probably going to give away the fact that he was lying, but he just kept going with his lie.

"We tried to wake him up, he… he would wake up. He just stayed in this weird screwed up state. None of our doctors could do anything about it. That is why we had to come here…"

Jordan allowed the room to fall into silence. He could feel the two pairs of eyes on him. He was looking straight into Kyle's, but that didn't mean that Tom's eyes weren't on him.

"I don't believe you…" Kyle said, blinking a few times as if he was astonished at the fact that he said that.

More silence. Tom's grip on his son's shoulder visibly tightened.

"Why?" Tom asked.

"I… I don't know," Kyle stated honestly. "It just doesn't explain anything that is going on. It explains nothing, you know what I mean?"

Tom nodded; too bad his son couldn't see it. But Jordan could.

"I want the truth Jordan, and I want the truth now!" Tom said angrily, totally switching modes. This was getting more serious if something had happened that Jordan would want to cover up. Tom believed his son. Especially when it came to Shawn. Kyle and Shawn were more like brothers than Shawn and Danny at times.

"That is the truth Mr. Baldwin, whether you and your son want to believe it or not," Jordan said, back in his normal tone. "The boy just had an attack. I don't know how else to explain it…"

Tom sighed and looked up at the ceiling anxiously. His eyes wandered over to Shawn, stuck like Kyle for god knows how long. It was upsetting really.

"I… I gotta go do something. Jordan, get the hell out of here."

Jordan made no attempt at moving. "Don't make me call security Collier. I can put you back in quarantine."

Once again no movement from Jordan. It annoyed Tom to no end. "Do you know where Shawn has called home for the past year?" He said, "Who his new family has become? Shawn is more a part of my family than a part of your family. You're just afraid to admit it!"

Both Tom and Kyle were flabbergasted. They would have never expected something like that to come out of Collier's mouth. But the more Tom thought about it, the more he could see where Jordan was coming from. Shawn was one of the 4400, so was Collier, but that was no reason why he should be here.

"Look, I'm going to leave for five minutes, and I don't want anything happening while I am gone. Don't touch him, don't do anything."

"Are you--" Kyle asked.

"I have to!"

**---------------------------------**

Tom left the room and slammed his back against the wall. Why was this happening? It like wasn't believable. None of this was. After a few moments of taking deep breaths, he pulled out his cell phone.

He dialed the number that he had dialed so many times. He knew he was going to have to call Susan, but Diana would know better what was going on.

"Skouris," she answered the phone, as usual.

"Diana, this is Tom…" Tom said, walking out the door to the outside. The smell of cigarette smoke hit Tom like a train. Of course, people couldn't smoke in a hospital, so they went out side.

"You okay Tom, it sounds like something's wrong," Diana said on the other side of the phone. A bad feeling washed over Tom. Why had he called Diana?

'Yeah, it's just… there's a problem with one of the 4400," he said, trying to make it seem as if it wasn't personal.

"What?" Diana asked, now sounding a bit worried herself.

Tom took a few deep breaths. If it was this hard to talk to Diana, what would it be like trying to tell Susan?

"Tom, you can tell me…" Diana said.

"Shawn's in a coma," he blurted out. There it was out there.

"What?" Diana asked. Tom could tell by the tone of her voice that she didn't believe him.

"Kyle had one last appointment, just to make sure all those tests didn't screw up his brain, and we were walking through the hospital, and there was Shawn, with Collier. The nurse said that there must have been a trauma or something like that because it takes more than just an 'attack' as Collier put it, to put this kid in a coma."

"Whoa, calm down Tom, did you tell Susan?"

"No, I wanted to call you first."

"Oh," Diana said, not quite sure of what else to say. A few moments of silence elapsed between them before Diana spoke again. "Is Collier still there?"

"Yeah."

"Get him out of the room, if something did happen, I wouldn't be surprised if Collier was behind it."

"I tried, he refuses to leave."

"Call security."

"It wouldn't do any good. He… nevermind." Tom was at a loss for words.

"I'll be right over. What room number?"

"141, the…"

"Same room Kyle was in," Diana finished for him.

"Yeah," Tom said, almost silently.

"I'll be over soon, okay. Kyle's doing fine?"

Tom forced a chuckle. "I'm afraid he's gonna kill Collier if I don't get back in there soon."

Diana laughed. "Well, you go and save Collier. If what you're saying is true, I want him in perfect shape when he gets sent back to quarantine." With that she hung up.

Tom hung up as well. Now for the hard part. He took a few seconds to compose himself before dialing the all-to-familiar phone number of his sister. It rang quite a few times before Danny picked up.

"Hello?" he answered the phone.

"Danny?" Tom asked. "Is your mom home?"

"Uncle Tommy?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," Tom replied back.

"No, she's not home right now, what's up?"

"Well, it's kind of important that I talk to her, now."

"She should be home soon. Do you want me to tell her something?"

"No, just tell her to call me back, okay?"

"Sure. I'll have her call you then. Nice talkin' to ya Uncle Tommy," Danny said. Tom could hear the smile in his voice. He heard the click on the other end signifying that Danny had hung up the phone. He should have just told Danny, but Tom knew about the problems between Danny and Shawn. Telling Danny would have been out of the question.

Sighing, he put the phone back in his pocket and headed back in. This was going to be a long few hours.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n: **Okay, please tell me in your review if you want me to introduce our good friend Devon in on the fun… am I the only one catching the Devon/Shawn unrequited love vibes being sent from the writers? Probably… and Susan is Shawn's mother for those of you who don't remember.

Anna - thanks!

PentagonMerlin - I used to write really slow paced fics, and I can't do that anymore. Haha, but I'm trying to slow it down a little bit.

amy - Thanks… I think… haha! Heavier, eh?

Dani3 - Okey dokey!

sarahofearth - Shawn is waaaaay too hot to die, everyone knows it! Haha. Don't worry, Shawn probably won't die. Maybe he will. I really don't know…

LostAngel2 - There aren't many 4400 fics out there, are there? I'm glad you liked my lost stories (there probably won't be any until the new season, unless I have some major brain child!). Hopefully this story will go far… Hmmm… maybe I should make a 4400/Lost crossover… nope still working on the Lost/OC crossover… Hopefully this story will go far… Hmmm… maybe I should make a 4400/Lost crossover… nope still working on the Lost/OC crossover…

Kelly - Sorry about that. I typed it quickly and proofread it, but I can be slightly dyslexic at times… so I must have missed that. I will keep my eyes open for stuff like that…


	4. He Better Be

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrel has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** Circular updating sucks. Screw that. Haha! For the love of… DANNY! Danny's my third favorite character.

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**He Better Be"**

**---------------------------------**

Danny hung up the phone. Uncle Tommy had sounded quite upset about something, but Danny didn't want to ask what. He had wanted Danny's mom, not Danny. So it couldn't have been that important.

Still bored senseless, Danny went back to playing video games. Mom should be home soon.

**---------------------------------**

He was right. About ten minutes later, his mother walked through door, a bunch of bags in his hand. "Danny, could you give me a hand?" she asked. Danny paused his game and set the controller down, then proceeded to help his mother carry in the multiple bags out in the car into the house.

"Thank you," his mother smiled. "Anyone call?"

"Yeah. I almost forgot!" Danny admitted, "Uncle Tommy called, he sounded kinda upset, maybe you should call him."

His mother was silent for a few seconds before nodded. "I'll call him then…"

"He said it was important mom, maybe you should call him now."

Susan eyed her son. "All right."

With that, she picked up the phone and dialed Tom's cell phone number.

_Riiiiiiiiiiing…_

No answer.

_Riiiiinnnnnngggg…_

Uncle Tommy had obviously picked up because Danny's mom began talking.

"Tom, Danny said you called…" Susan said as more of a question.

While Danny wanted to hear what was going on, but he could only hear mumbling on the other side.

Susan blinked a few times and then sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. Danny remained leaning on the kitchen, supporting his head with his hands, watching trying to read his mother's face and reactions.

Danny heard a lot of mumbling coming from the other end of the other end of the phone and watched as the smile disappeared from his mother's face and was replaced with a look of deep worry.

"What… what happened?" she asked. Danny could hear that she was getting more and more upset. Danny heard more mumbling on the other end.

"I'll, I'll be there right… I'm on my way now…" she said. More mumbling.

"Yeah, I'll… I'll be fine." With that she hung up the phone.

The two of them sat in silence for a while before Danny felt the need to break it. "What's wrong mom?" he asked.

His mom sighed. "Danny, you might not want to hear this, but something happened to… something happened to Shawn…"

Danny felt his heat sink down. Something had happened to Shawn? Those damn idiots! This was their fault. They took him and they brought him back a freak. And now, they caused him to be hurt. He caused Shawn to be hurt. He flipped out at Shawn, and caused him to run. If that hadn't had happened, then Shawn wouldn't be hurt.

It was stupid anyways. Nikki had moved down to Texas, and now nearly everything from before Shawn disappeared was gone. Except for Kyle. But he didn't quite count really.

"What happened?" Danny asked, quite confused. He was actually worried about Shawn. Quite worried.

"He doesn't know, but Shawn… he's in a… a coma."

Danny was shocked into silence. Shawn was in a coma. A coma. Like Kyle had been for those three long and hard years. Danny couldn't even think about what had happened to put Shawn into this coma.

**_They_** probably did it. That's the only explanation he could think of.

More silence.

"We should go," Susan said quietly.

"Yeah," Danny agreed. "I'll drive."

**---------------------------------**

The drive to the hospital took longer than either of them had expected. Tom was standing there as they parked. Susan jumped out of the car and rushed over to her brother. Danny moved slower, not slow, just not as fast as his mother. He turned the car off and put the keys into his pocket as he got out of the car.

He slammed the door without realizing it. Both his mother and Uncle Tommy turned to look at him as he walked across the parking lot. He could feel his uncle's penetrating gaze and realized how much it must suck to be Kyle and have to put up with that all the time. He'd hate it.

"Where is he?" Danny asked, his voice not really sounding like his own.

"Room… one forty-one." Tom answered as the three of them began to walk into the hospital. The mood was somber. Danny didn't like it. It wasn't like Shawn had died or anything.

They walked down the halls of the hospital.

_135…_

_137…_

_139…_

_141…_

The three of them walked to find the scene much like when Tom had left. Jordan Collier was sitting peacefully in his chair. Kyle was sitting in the other chair, looking between Collier and Shawn. And Shawn. Shawn hadn't changed one bit. Tom had kind of hoped that he would have miraculously woken up while he had been gone, but he hadn't.

Danny was in shock. He hadn't seen his brother in well over a year. And he hadn't changed that much, physically. No. He looked like virtually the same Shawn from before _they_ took him. But he still couldn't get rid of this feeling that his brother had changed. And that was why he was lying on that hospital bed, all those tubes and wires all around him.

Just like Kyle had been. Danny slowly walked over to Shawn. "What'd you do this time you idiot?" he said with a laugh. "You're quite good at getting yourself into trouble. Broke your leg jumping out of your window… got yourself abducted by whatever the hell took you for three years, leaving Kyle in a coma… now you're stuck there. You're something special that's for sure," he laughed. It was a forced laugh, but he felt it was necessary.

Suddenly, Kyle just appeared behind him. "He'll be fine Danny," he said, grabbing his younger cousin's shoulder.

"He better be," Tom added, glaring at Collier as he said it.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** Wow, I got like… a crap load of reviews chapter 2, and where'd y'all go! I'm trying to make the chapters longer, but I kinda like them shorter and sweeter.

Angelic Prefect - Haha. I actually have a plot for this one, believe it or not…

sarahofearth - What? In my vocab "might" is closer than probably… which is the word I usually use to describe characters who will not make it through the story… Jordan is my second favorite character (after Shawn of course)… it is like Anakin and Darth Vader… nevermind… xD…

LostAngel2 - I'd do that if I didn't already have a lOCst story out there…

rach - Nikki may come in later, I don't know. Danny is coming though because he is awesome!

One last question… in your review can you tell me who you'd rather have in here… Devon or the homeless chick from the last episode…


	5. Heal Yourself!

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:**

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**Heal Yourself!"**

**---------------------------------**

It seemed like forever had passed, if forever was three days that was. There was no change in Shawn, and everyone else was starting to fall into a routine. Out of everyone Danny seemed to be taking it the worst. But he wasn't showing it like everyone else was.

A lot of times when his mom would go to see Shawn, Danny would stay home, claiming he had 'too much homework.' But he didn't have homework. He didn't have anything to do. But he was afraid. When he had first walked into that hospital room and seen Shawn lying there, so weak, harmless, and not evil.

He couldn't get that picture out of his mind. The more that picture stayed lodged in his mind, the more he began to blame himself because if Shawn wouldn't have left, this wouldn't have happened.

Yes, it was his fault that Shawn was in a coma, not Collier's or anyone else's.

**---------------------------------**

Meanwhile, the scene at the hospital never changed. Jordan would come in first thing in the morning, before anyone else and leave whenever someone else would walk in. He had stuff to do, but he's till make time for Shawn. Always.

Normally Collier left when Kyle arrived. Before his first class (which started at 10:00), he'd just stop in to see if anything had changed. He himself had been in a coma for three years, and Shawn had rescued him from it. But this was different. If Shawn wasn't there to rescue himself, who was there?

After Kyle left and Susan would come and spend a good majority of the day. She wanted her son to be okay. He had left, cut her off for a year, and now he had gotten himself in a coma thanks to that 4400 Center where he had run to. She should have stopped her, but she didn't.

Half way through her visit, Tom would come in during his lunch break at work (when he'd have one) with his partner. Diana. Diana felt bad for Susan, she didn't even want to think about if that was Maia. The thoughts brought shivers down her spine. But she wasn't there to feel sorry for Susan, she was there to try and figure out what happened.

They were going to move him to NTAC for further investigation, but Diana and Tom said it was fine if he stayed there. He could have visitors there, and not at NTAC. No, he was staying right where he was until he woke his ass up!

Around eight, Susan would leave and go home, take care of Danny and pray that Shawn would wake up soon.

Every day, the same thing. Every day.

**---------------------------------**

But one night, something different happened. It was late. Very late when Livia Thompson worked her way to room 141 to see Shawn. Livia (or Liv, since names meant nothing really) had heard about what happened to Shawn Farrell when she went to the 4400 center to thank him for all that he had done for her.

She just needed to find a way to find him. Slowly, she walked up to one of the people in the ugly uniforms for the place and asked for Shawn. He replied that 'Mr. Farrell wasn't available right now… but he'd be around.'

Liv sighed. He probably told everyone there not to allow a girl who looked like her in. She thanked the man quietly and headed over for the door. It was then that Jordan Collier walked in the door. The man who spoke at the park, the one that Shawn was always with, always following.

Liv bolted over to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Collier," she said. He stopped.

"How may I help you?" he asked with one of his big fake smiles. Liv had a way of telling when someone was forcing a smile.

"Yes, I came to see Shawn, he helped us out so much, and I just wanted to thank him. Is there any way that you could just get me to see him."

A small pained look flashed across the man's face, but he recovered with lightning speed. "I'm sorry, but Shawn isn't feeling to well. I'll tell him that you wanted him," and with that, he walked away. There was something fishy about this whole situation.

Wait! He hadn't gotten her name how would… that asshole!

She ran to go after him, but got there right as the elevator door closed. That was the last straw, something was up, and she was going to find out what was up.

But what was up found her instead. She walked around the center, until someone stopped her. She turned around and came upon a girl, about her age, her height with long brown hair. She was really pretty the more that Liv looked at the girl.

"You wanted to know what happened to Shawn?" she asked.

Liv nodded. She knew about Shawn's special healing power. If he was sick, couldn't he just heal himself? Maybe it didn't work that way, but it was logical, wasn't it?

"He's sick…"

"That's what he said," Liv said bitterly pointing at the elevator that Collier had gone up a while ago.

"He's in room 141 of Highland Beach Hospital…"

Liv blinked a few times, not understanding at all why this girl whom she had never met before was helping her. The girl obviously recognized Liv's confused look, "Shawn talked about you a lot. I figured it was you. You should go…"

With that the other girl walked away.

Liv was still confused, but she took the information. She'd have to take a bus there, she couldn't walk that far.

**---------------------------------**

It was the middle of the night when Liv arrived at the hospital. Normally they wouldn't let people in, but she signed the paper at the desk marked 'visitors' and walked slowly into the room.

A steady beeping told her that Shawn at least was alive. Other than that the room was empty and dark. Not wanting to wake Shawn up, she just walked over, leaving the light off.

"Shawn… Shawn…" she said quietly, shaking him slightly to wake him up. There was no change. "Shawn, are you alive?" she asked. Even though the heart monitor told her he was alive, he wasn't responding to anything.

It was then that she noticed all the wires coming out of him. From every which way and direction. What had happened to him? He didn't look sick at all. He looked like Shawn, the person who had did so much for them and asked nothing in return.

She sat down in one of the chairs, trying to compose her thoughts. What could have happened to Shawn? Her eyes grazed the clipboard at the bottom of his bed. She didn't want to read it, but if she wanted any answers, she had to.

Slowly, Liv walked down to the end of the bed and looked at the clipboard.

She saw the word 'comatose' in bold lettering. No way. That like, wasn't possible, not possible at all.

"So I guess you are alive Shawn, just not… alive alive," she said, returning abck to the side of his bed and looking down at him.

Not knowing what else to do she grabbed his arm. He had the healing touch. He had saved Dewey, no he was going to save himself.

She forced his hand onto his chest and applied pressure. There was no change. No change at all.

She tried it again. "Let's go Shawn, heal yourself damnit!" she cursed angrily.

There was still no difference. Third time's a charm. She pushed his hand onto his chest so hard and didn't release pressure for a long time.

It was no use and she knew it. "Heal yourself!" she said angrily one final time. "Like you healed Dewey. That was amazing Shawn, do it again!"

There was no response from Shawn and there was no difference.

Liv finally gave up and walked out of the room. Little did she know that her doing that had helped, but not in the way she thought it would.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** I would have had this up sooner, but I wanted to get her name right, so I watched the rerun of the last episode and realized how perfectly the last scene with Shawn fit in with the plot line of my story. It was amazing.

Angelic Prefect - Yeah. I think I may have already given it away, but… shrugs And Danny is a very iffy character. I watched last night and I was like… hmmmm… so I rewrote some of it to incorporate some of his thoughts, because as of right now, this fic is not AU. But I still think he may blame himself some time. shrugs But yes, we will find out what happened to Shawn. And how it is supposed to be used…

PentagonMerlin - bitter? Because I have this thing where I try to get into the mind of the character that I am trying to portray. He doesn't know who to really push all his anger out on. Whether is be himself, or Shawn, or the dudes from the future, and it confuses him. At least that is what I am attempting to portray.

LostAngel2 - Yay!

LoneTread - Thanks!

amy - Thanks! Since Nikki is in Texas, she might not even show up. I really don't know…

sarahofearth - Haha! Star Wars is amazing and I love it! GO HAYDEN…

Charmedfan03 - I am glad I intrigued you!

Kelly - What do you mean, that sentence makes perfect sense! It means that everything that was there before Shawn was taken was now gone…

Rach - me too, the hard part was getting her in…


	6. Awakened

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** I lost the plot for this story. Oops! This story is gonna turn AU after Sunday, I just know it… CARTER ROCKS! Too bad Billy Campbell can't keep a job in Hollywood. whines

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… and Carter belongs to the OC… even though this has nothing to do with Carter…

**---------------------------------**

"**Awakened"**

**---------------------------------**

Shawn woke up. If you could call it waking up. Physically he stayed in the coma. Stuck there. Not being able to get out of it. But Shawn was aware. Although he didn't know that what he was aware of wasn't the real world.

He still couldn't move. But he could see through his own eyes. He looked around and saw everyone. Devon, Liv, Jordan, James, Dewey, Wayne. Everyone from the 4400 Center.

Then on the opposite side of the room was Uncle Tommy, Aunt Linda, Mom, Danny, Nikki, Kyle, Diana, Maia.

And they were glaring at each other.

Shawn didn't understand why. They all looked at each other, and Shawn could see the anger and hatred in their eyes. He wanted to just jump up and yell at them to stop acting like a bunch of two-year-olds.

But he couldn't. He couldn't move. He couldn't talk. He could just stay in that one position.

"It's your fault you know…" Danny said angrily at Jordan. No, Shawn figured it was his fault.

He ran away. 'DON'T BLAME JORDAN!' he wanted to shout. But he couldn't.

"But if I remember correctly, you were the one that drove him out of the house, and made him come to me, am I right?" Jordan replied back. Why were they fighting, Shawn just didn't get it.

"And you were the one using his power to get money! That is what got him in the position he is in now, and that is what killed him," Uncle Tommy shouted at him.

Wait, Shawn was dead? There was no way he was dead, he was hearing all that what going on right then and there. No, Shawn wasn't dead.

An awkward silence fell over the entire room. Shawn took advantage of what was going on to look around at his surroundings. Everything was white. And puffy looking. Except for the ceiling which was tan. Tan and bumpy. Obviously they were in a house. But in some ways, Shawn didn't want to know where he was. He was so much happier not knowing.

Maia broke the silence. Shawn hadn't talked to the younger girl in such a long time, but he was quite fond of her from the long weeks spent in quarantine. "Shawn doesn't want anyone to blame anyone but him!" The girl burst out.

"Maia," Diana said scoldingly.

"Sorry," the little girl said quietly, her eyes turning down to the ground. Although Shawn couldn't see it, tears were falling.

Wait, what was going on? Shawn was getting more and more confused as time went on.

Suddenly, Shawn couldn't see anything, seeing as his whole sight was filled with his little… same age… older brother's face. Danny's face. That made things much easier.

"You're quite good at getting yourself into trouble. Broke your leg jumping out of your window… got yourself abducted by whatever the hell took you for three years, leaving Kyle in a coma… now you're stuck there. You're something special that's for sure…" his brother said, forcing a laugh. What was going on?

"He's gone Danny," Nikki said quietly. Shawn could see tears glistening in her eyes. She had left. Kyle had told him that before. Moved to Texas, but what horrible thing could have forced her to come back.

_He was dead_. That is what Nikki meant by _'He's gone Danny.'_ Shawn was beginning to get even more scared. He wasn't dead, because he was hearing all of this. It was really freaking him out.

The next thing he knew, everything was empty. He was surrounded by the white fluffiness. That was when he realized where he was. He was in a coffin.

Oh God. Shawn immediately began feeling claustrophobic. His breathing, although it didn't really matter, seeing as he was 'dead,' seemed to speed up, but maybe it was just in his head. But he was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

He could hear people talking, but everything was shrouded in the white fluffiness.

The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it.

"But it just doesn't make any sense. He just fell into it. There is no reasonable explanation for it! Even if Collier was telling the truth, there was no reason for it."

Uncle Tommy! Shawn suddenly placed the voice.

"UNCLE TOMMY!" Shawn shouted. But his voice just came back to him.

Wait, his voice was working, so he tried it again.

"UNCLE TOMMY!" he shouted again.

He found himself gasping for breath. But he needed to get his attention. HE WASN'T DEAD!

"UNCLE TOMMY!" he screamed again.

Suddenly, everything erupted into an all too familiar bright white light.

"Uncle Tommy, I'm not dead," Shawn found himself chanting over and over again. "I'm not dead Uncle Tommy…"

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** Sorry about the length. The next chapter will be longer, I promise. And this chapter really has nothing to do with anything. I just wanted to write something like that…

PentagonMerlin - Nikki, maybe. I haven't really decided for sure whether or not. Maybe a lot later in the story…

sarahofearth - It was long, wasn't it? Hah! I stayed up until midnight to watch the episode again to try to figure out what he name was, and then I just looked it up on the internet the next morning. Teeheehee… And yes, Liv is smart, isn't she?

HauntedPast - Yay! Another reviewer! Haha! I'm glad you're hooked…

LostAngel2 - Thanks!

Maia Rutledge - Maybe… Patty Flueger ROCKS!

Saynt Jimmy - I guess you'll find out!


	7. You’re Perfectly Fine

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** Teeheehee… guys, the last chapter had nothing to do with anything… it was just my way of getting where I needed to be…

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… if I owned it… COLLIER WOULDN'T HAVE DIED… and Shawn would totally get together with Liv…

**---------------------------------**

"**You're Perfectly Fine"**

**---------------------------------**

Once again, the daily routine took effect. Jordan came in that morning. Things were getting worse and worse at the Center. He was slipping. Forgetting little but important things that Shawn would remind him about.

But most of all, he just missed the kid. Shawn was like a son to him. He was always too busy to have to worry about having kids, or even having a kids, but Shawn... he acted like Jordan was his dad, not just his boss, co-worker, fellow 4400… Shawn didn't see it, but Jordan sure did.

That was why he was slowly deteriorating. He needed Shawn back. Even though he wouldn't openly admit that.

Slowly and silently Kyle walked in and Jordan didn't see him. Jordan was in a trance. Just staring at Shawn, as if he was willing him to wake up. As if just being there was going to wake him up. Kyle felt really out of place and wanted to leave, but something kept him there.

There was just something about the two of them. Shawn and Jordan. As much as Kyle didn't want to admit, Jordan had taken his place as Shawn's best friend. Just like Danny seemed to take Shawn's spot as Kyle's best friend.

But Danny wasn't Shawn.

Silently, Kyle turned and left, Collier never knowing that he wasn't there. Missing one day wouldn't do any difference. It wasn't like Shawn was ever going to know anything that was going on. Kyle didn't remember anything, why would Shawn?

Besides, he was gonna be late for class.

**---------------------------------**

Jordan lost track of time, as he just sat there in a daze. He didn't stop to think of why time seemed to slow down between when he arrived and when someone came and interrupted him. Susan also didn't show as early as she normally would have because she had a meeting with one of Danny's professors.

It ran over and when she got there, Jordan was still there.

Oh if this wasn't awkward.

Susan flinched slightly as the door slammed behind her. But it got Jordan to snap out of his daze. He was so lost in missing Shawn, that he had totally lost track of time.

He turned, expecting to see Kyle there, but came face to face with Susan. He had only ever met the woman twice before, and neither time had been that pleasant. In fact, he was trying to avoid Susan all together.

A glance at his watch told him that he had spent the entire morning there and missed many important meetings and lectures. But deep down, he didn't care.

"I'll… I'll be going," he said quickly getting up and heading for the door.

Susan stopped him. "I want to know the truth," she said bluntly. She had a disliking for the man, and everyone knew it. She didn't even bother to hide it.

"I've already told you the truth Susan, it isn't my fault if you don't believe me," he said, trying to move around her and get out of the room. It didn't work.

"Something happened at that _Center_ and I want to know what happened. You were there when it happened. I just want some closure!"

Jordan was quite confused. He never expected Susan to be the one to flip at him. Tom had already done that. On multiple occasions.

"I already told you and Tom everything that happened, there is nothing more to tell. I'm just as worried as you are about Shawn…"

"Bull shit," Susan cursed angrily, cutting Jordan off. "You're just worried because he can't make you money while he's lying there in a coma."

"I never used Shawn. I never _would_ use Shawn, ever," Jordan said, returning the cool voice that she had just used on him. "You are just looking for answers for which we don't even know the questions for. The only one who knows what happened is Shawn, and berating me isn't helping the situation any…"

Susan was stunned into silence. Collier did have a point.

Jordan took advantage of the situation and bolted past Susan. He had missed so much this morning with losing track of time. But he had a feeling that it was worth it. Yes, it was worth it.

**---------------------------------**

Unlike everyone else, Tom actually showed up early. Him and Diana had finally gotten a bit of a lead on what was going on with Shawn, so they were actually here on working hours. Tom hugged his sister as Diana just walked over to Shawn and studied him, a notebook under her arm.

"It just doesn't make any sense," she mused to herself.

"None of it does," Susan replied quietly.

"What doesn't make any sense is why Maia never said anything," Tom added.

Susan looked between Diana and Tom. "What?"

Slowly Diana pulled out the notebook and opened it. "Maia, my daughter, she's one of the 4400 too," she explained to a very confused Susan. "And like Shawn has his healing power, Maia, she can see the future…"

"So you mean your daughter saw all this coming?" Susan asked, a bit angry that Tom hadn't done anything to try and stop this.

"Not exactly," Diana said. "You see, I just found Maia's diary. We all thought that her visions had stopped, but she was writing them down in her diary instead. So I read it. She didn't say anything about Shawn directly, but there was something that we all found very interesting…"

She paged through the diary trying to find the right page. She read the entry out loud as she scanned it with her finger. _"All these gifts that people are getting… they should take them seriously… because all these gifts come with a price. It's already starting. They're not as simple to control as people think…"_

Silence fell over the room. A thick silence. "And that means…?" Shawn's mother asked.

"We think that Shawn's healing ability… that it has a downside. That this is it…" Tom said.

"That… that doesn't make any sense!" Susan nearly shouted.

"Yes Susan, it does," Tom said, looking at his sister's worried face. "Collier's story… he was healing a sick teen… and he just fell over, had an attack, something unexplainable… the downside to his gift…"

Susan let what Tom said sink in. "But why him? And this girl, Maia, how do you know she's right?"

"Maia's never wrong…" Diana said. She knew that was a fact. Many of the things earlier in the diary had actually happened. Maia was never ever wrong.

"And how do you know that?" Susan asked, suspiciously.

"Because she's never been wrong before, there's barely any chance that what she's saying now is wrong…"

"Diana's right Susan… this little girl, she's never wrong. And it does all fit together…"

"So you're trying to tell me that… them… us… from the future, they took Shawn, and brought him back with this power, because he's supposed to use it to 'save the future' but since he used it wrongly he's in a coma… is that what you're trying to tell me."

"Basically," Diana said.

Susan took a deep breath, everyone could tell that she wasn't processing this as well as she wanted to.

Tom walked over to his sister and wrapped an arm around her. He felt bad for her, because he himself went through the same thing with Kyle. But at least Linda had been there for him. Susan had no one except Danny, and he wasn't much of a help.

"Does it say anything else, like if Shawn is gonna be okay?" she asked quietly.

Diana shook her head. "There's nothing else in there that relates to Shawn. I'm sorry."

Susan nodded.

"Don't worry, Shawn's a strong kid. He's been fine on his own for a year. A year Susan, he's not gonna let a little thing like this get in the way. He's gonna get up and be good old Shawn again. Just normal old Shawn…"

"Murmle Mermmy…"

He was about to say something else when Susan's eyes shot open. It took a second for what was going on to sink in. "SHAWN?" Susan shouted.

"Uncle Tommy…"

His voice was getting louder and clearer.

"I'll… I'll go get a doctor or something…" Diana said, leaving the room. She just felt wrong being there. She didn't know Shawn at all except for what Tom told her or what she read in the NTAC file.

Susan rushed to her son's side. She couldn't believe that Shawn was actually getting up, that he was okay. He was gonna be okay.

Shawn wasn't going to die.

"Uncle Tommy, I'm not dead… I'm not dead Uncle Tommy…"

"We know you're not dead Shawn, you're gonna be okay!" Tom said, his hand gripping his nephew's. He felt so relieved, so happy. And not just because Shawn was all right. Sure that was most of it, but now, maybe, they could get to the bottom of what happened.

Shawn's eyes shot open, a look of deep fear in them.

"I'm not dead!"

"No Shawn," his mother said quietly. "You're perfectly fine."

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** Yeah, So Kyle killed Collier, but Collier got up and walked away because he isn't allowed to die because he is Billy Campbell… unless he goes back to the OC which would be cool because Carter was amazing, but Collier was better… and Shawn's speech… I had tears… not really but almost!

Believe it or not, this story is coming to a close. I just have to put an end to the loose edges.

PentagonMerlin - Yeah… because I have the outlines of a plot now, but no filler… so there will be some filler!

LostAngel2 - Shawn isn't dead. I can kill Seth, and I can kill Charlie… but Shawn is a totally different story… for now… and evil boss lady, are you sure? xD

Angelic Prefect - NO!

Saynt Jimmy - Who's not dead, what?

sarahofearth - Cliffhangers are my bestest friend! And 'Awakened' does describe perfectly what happened..

klnolan - thanks!

rach - I did? Oh yeah, I did… her like... one line?

Spice9 - Haha!


	8. Memory Relapse

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** I may loop this into "As Fate Would Have It" or not, I haven't decided yet, since I rewrote this chapter about four times…

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… if I owned it… JORDAN WOULDN'T HAVE DIED…

**---------------------------------**

"**Memory Relapse"**

**---------------------------------**

It wasn't much longer later that Diana returned with a doctor. Susan was so happy; you could see her entire facial expression change in an instant from angry and sad to happy and overjoyed. Amazing what a smile could do to a woman like Susan.

Tom was shocked. He had never expected Shawn to wake up, just like that. He hadn't been there right away when Kyle first woke up, and Kyle was out for well over three years, and Shawn, it had barely been a week.

He was just glad that Susan didn't have to go through the same thing that he and Linda had to.

The doctor walked over to Shawn's bed. The boy, who still had a look of fear in his eyes, allowed his eyes to follow the doctor over towards him. He didn't say a word, his voice was weak to begin with.

"Okay," the doctor said. "I am Dr. Kinderwals, you probably don't know me."

Shawn just looked at him.

"Now I'm just going to ask you a few questions, is that all right?"

Shawn nodded.

"What's your name?"

Shawn looked at the doctor as if he was crazy. "Shawn Farrell." he said weakly.

"Good, and how old are you?"

He didn't understand why this doctor was asking him strange questions, or why Uncle Tommy or his mother was there. "Seventeen," he then stated firmly. Tom held his breath slightly. He was older than that.

The doctor just smiled. "When's your birthday?"

"December 12th, 1983," he said, without missing a beat.

"And what's today's date?" The doctor knew that Shawn was going to get this wrong.

"I don't know."

"Well, what is the last thing you remember?" the doctor asked nicely.

"I was… I was at the beach… with Kyle," he said, leaving out the fact that they were drinking. He didn't want to get Uncle Tommy mad, oh no way.

The atmosphere in the room was thick with tension, Shawn could just feel it.

"What's… what's wrong?" he asked, his voiced heavy with confusion.

"Do you know anything about the 4400?" Tom asked, ignoring the angry look he was shot from the doctor.

"The forty-four what?" Shawn asked.

This was bad. This was really bad.

**---------------------------------**

"I want him moved!" Tom said to the doctor once the two of them left the room, leaving Shawn with his mother.

"We can't do that right now. He seems to have forgotten everything about the past year. Since before the abduction and then some. It would be hazardous to move him," the doctor said.

Tom sighed angrily. Then the thought hit him. Collier. Collier was like a father to Shawn (as much as Tom didn't want to admit it). What was going to happen when he walked in, and not only found Shawn awake, but not remembering anything between being abducted and waking up in a hospital room.

"Well, is there anyway we can keep people from visiting him, except for his close family?" Tom asked, going out on a limb.

The doctor sighed. "Tom, this is serious. Things like this, this can happen to people just getting out of a coma, I've seen it before, but never this severe. If I cut of visitations, I cut them off for everyone, and I don't think that would help Shawn in this case."

Tom was a bit angry, but glanced in at Shawn and Susan talking. It was as like nothing had ever happened. Like he had never completely shut her out of his life, like he had never been taken. Like the past five years had never happened.

"How long until his memory comes back?" Tom asked, not looking at the doctor.

The doctor shrugged. "We don't know. He wasn't down for that long, so it could just be a few hours, but it could be for the rest of his life, we don't know. It is hard to tell."

**---------------------------------**

Once Tom left the room with the doctor, Diana stayed in a corner, writing down little things in her notebook (not Maia's diary, but her own notebook) and after Susan phoned Danny to come in, she sat down next to Shawn, unable to get the huge smile off her face, not that she wanted it off.

"What's going on?" Shawn asked.

Susan (who didn't want to explain just how horrible he made her feel the past year) decided it would better to just gliss over what had happened. "There was a bit of an accident Shawn, but you're all right, that is all that matters?"

Shawn was confused. "What?" How could there have been an accident? Unless he tried to drive home, and was drunk and… "Kyle? What happened… to Kyle?"

"Kyle's fine honey, just worried about you," she smiled. At least that wasn't a lie. Kyle was worried about Shawn.

Shawn closed his eyes. It felt like he had been hit by a truck. "What's the 4400?" he asked after the silence bit into all three of them in the room.

Susan looked over at Diana, how was she supposed to answer that question? The 4400, the thing that just totally worried Diana and ruined her life. That was what the 4400 was. But maybe, just maybe Shawn not remembering it was a blessing. Maybe it was for the better.

"Don't worry about that Shawn, it'll be explained in time," she smiled ruffling his hair.

Shawn moved his head out of the way. He hated it when she did that. It just caused Susan to laugh. Some things never changed.

Shawn didn't want to wait to find about the 4400, because Uncle Tommy seemed a bit adamant about them and then there was that strange lady sitting in the corner who looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place her.

Everything was so familiar, it sounded familiar, it seemed familiar, he just couldn't understand any of it.

The last thing the boy remembered was being at the beach with Kyle, drinking, then boom he was waking up in a freaking hospital room. It didn't make any sense, it made no sense at all!

"Don't worry Shawn," his mother repeated, sensing the worry and confusion inside of her oldest son as Shawn's eyes closed in an attempt to block everything out and concentrate on what was going on. He just wanted to not be confused, and he wanted to be normal old Shawn.

Little did he know that being normal Shawn was being the Shawn he was right now, remembering nothing of the 4400, or Jordan Collier, but Shawn didn't know that.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** I promise Jordan in the next chapter!

Saynt Jimmy - I screamed at the TV… and I cried… and I don't think Collier is dead… he got up and walked away! And then the next episode is gonna filler with Tom going crazy… and then it is called "Carrier" and "Rebirth" so Collier ISN'T DEAD! I swear! Besides, Billy Campbell isn't allowed to die!

sarahofearth - OMG! I'd love to hug Shawn! Awwww… thanks. I'm really flattered that you think that! Shawn is gonna have a mental breakdown on that show and it is gonna be JORDAN to the rescue! I would have dedicated it to Jordan, but he's not dead. Seeing as I accurately predicted that Kyle would be the killer I am accurately predicting that Collier isn't dead… So you want lots of Jordan. I can do that… and I am really flattered that this is your dream fic! And think of it this way… at least it wasn't Shawn… But there may not be a lot of Jordan until a later chapter.

PentagonMerlin - Wow. Haha! I personally liked him screwing with Kandy rather than Rebecca because… idk… and I agree! I mean with episode titles like "Rebirth" its like… YES! And Liv… no, I didn't like that idea either, but hey, anything to get Liv and Shawn closer is okay with me. Haha.

Meridan Siler - No my Jordan isn't gay… my sister probably did it. She's currently my beta when I look for things… stupid little brat… and besides… real men wear pink!

Spice9 - Okey dokey!

rach - Who doesn't love Collier?

LostAngel2 - He always has been alive…

4400 - You do? Sorry it took so long, I have so much stuff to do! Susan is kinda hard because we don't see too much of her, so there are a lot of holes in her personality to fill in, which is kinda fun, taking liberties. Thanks for reviewing!


	9. The FortyFour What?

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** Sorry it took so long.. I am having troubles writing Jordan because I haven't been able to watch him on the screen. grumbles xD. This chapter is all Jordan for those of you who wanted it. I hope that it is okay.

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… if I owned it… JORDAN WOULDN'T HAVE DIED…

**---------------------------------**

"**The Forty-Four What?"**

**---------------------------------**

The next day was anything but easy for Shawn. But as hard as it was for Shawn, it was worse for Jordan. He awoke early and got ready to make his usual trip to the hospital to visit Shawn. He hoped that Shawn was awake.

He sincerely missed having the kid around. In some ways it was like he was the son that he never used to have the time to worry about. It was like Shawn was his own kid. After all they had gone through in the past year…

Jordan shook it off as he started walking down the hallway, smiling at some of the nurses that knew him by name now, but he never said anything to them. He'd just smile.

Just as he was about to go into the room that housed Shawn, he was stopped. He turned around and came face to face with Tom Baldwin. "Jordan," Tom said curtly.

"Tom," Jordan said, returning the tone.

"There's something you better know before you go in there."

Jordan just looked at him, willing him with his eyes to tell him what was going on. If something had happened to Shawn to make things worse, everything would begin snowballing again like it had right after Shawn had fallen into the coma. He had just managed to pull everything back together at the center; he didn't need another avalanche burying him again. He didn't think he could take it.

"Shawn woke up… yesterday," Tom said quietly, awaiting the blow up from Jordan.

"Well that's good, isn't it?" Jordan asked with a smile on his face. He felt so much relief, it was so unexplainable. Sure he was a little mad that he wasn't told, but Shawn was awake and that was all that matters.

"That's not everything," Tom said. Jordan's heart sank. There was something else? Something to mess up the joy he felt that Shawn was awake?

"It isn't?" Jordan asked, for some reason expecting the worst.

"No… when he woke up…" Tom didn't know how to explain it. "He doesn't remember… anything post abduction. He doesn't know who you are. He doesn't know what the 4400 is. He just doesn't remember any of it."

Jordan was shocked into silence. This was just a little hard for him to wrap his head around. Shawn was thankfully awake, but he didn't remember anything. Pros and cons. Well, at least he was awake. "Well, can I see him?" Jordan asked, still a bit worried by the news.

"I don't think it would really be the best idea," Tom said. He was worried about Shawn too.

"And why not?"

"Because, he has no clue who you are. He still thinks that it is 2001. He still thinks that everything is all right. And I haven't seen Susan so happy in the longest time, and I don't want you to screw that up!" Tom said, beginning to get angry.

Jordan kept his cool demeanor as Tom once again began to lose his temper.

"And what happens, Tom, when Shawn suddenly remembers everything? What happens when Shawn remembers that he ran away and I helped him through probably one of the hardest times in his life? What happens then Tom?"

Tom thought for a second. "We'll worry about that when the time comes."

"Well, when that time comes, Susan won't be happy, she won't be happy at all."

"And since when do you know what makes my sister happy and what doesn't?" Tom snapped.

Jordan kept his cool. "Look, I'm going into see Shawn, whether he remembers me or not. I'll help him along; because we all know that the sooner he remembers the better it is going to be. The sooner we learn what happened. You know that too."

Tom was silent. How was it that Jordan had that gift of twisting one's words around?

Jordan took advantage of the situation to turn around and at least attempt to go into the room. He knew that Tom was going to stop him and try to tell him how wrong he was for doing this again, but he didn't care. It was worth a try.

But Tom didn't try to stop him. Tom just stood there and watched as Jordan walked into the room.

Shawn was asleep. Or so everyone thought. Jordan just sat down in his usual chair. He was close to Shawn. Tom remained standing in the doorway as Jordan just sat there. It was as if Shawn was still in the coma when Tom watched the two of them. Jordan sat in silence as he usually did. Shawn was probably still weak, so he needed all the sleep he could get. He really did.

Jordan didn't want to wake him. He was so peaceful while he was sleeping. To him, it was still like he was in the coma. To him, it was like nothing had changed. But it had.

What seemed like a while later, Tom left the room. He figured that Shawn was fast asleep so he didn't have to make sure Jordan didn't do anything stupid.

After Tom left, Jordan knew he only had a short amount of time before his son came in after him. Kyle was normally the one that sent him back to the Center. But today was different.

He stood up and walked to the other side of Shawn. The young healer's eyes opened. He hadn't been asleep. He had heard everything. The door had been opened when Jordan and Tom had their little argument, and he had heard everything.

But he didn't know who Jordan was. He didn't know why Uncle Tommy didn't like Jordan. But Shawn could tell that from his uncle's angry tone with the man.

"Could you answer my questions?" Shawn asked, his voice quiet. He wanted answers. He had never been so confused before… wait, yes he had. He was confused in his PreCalc class that seemed to have actually happened a lot longer before. Could it really be that long that he didn't remember anything?

Something really must have screwed with his brain.

Jordan's face smiled. The first real smile he had felt on his face for the longest time. "I'll try," he said, sitting down.

"Who are you?" Shawn asked. The man looked so familiar, but Shawn just couldn't place him.

"Jordan Collier," he responded.

"I know you, but I don't know from where…" Shawn said, his voice fading away.

"The 4400 Center. It's the place that you've called home for the past year."

Jordan could see the confusion etched in the younger boy's features. "What's the 4400?" Shawn asked. It was the question he knew he should have asked first. Everyone knew what they were. Everyone except for him. He had no idea what everyone was talking about.

Jordan sighed. He knew that Shawn was going to ask that question, but he wasn't sure if he could answer it.

"Well. As far as I can tell, over the last 60 years, 4399 people and yourself, were taken, abducted if you would, by people from the future." Jordan paused, letting that sink in. He could tell that Shawn probably thought that he was mentally insane, but he continued anyways. "Then all in a big flash of light, everyone was returned right at the same lake where I believe you were abducted. These people, you and me included, were taken and sent back for a purpose, to make the world a better place."

Shawn was just a little confused, but something about what the man was saying seemed to hit inside of him. He couldn't quite explain it. Shawn closed his eyes. He was so confused. He wanted it all to stop.

"Why does Uncle Tommy hate you?" Shawn asked quietly, after a few very uncomfortable moments of silence passed between the two of them.

Jordan chuckled. "I don't think your uncle hates me as much as he we have different ideals."

"Huh?" Shawn asked.

Jordan laughed. He just realized how underused his laugh had been the past few days. It seemed like it had been years since the man had laughed, and it wasn't forced.

"Your uncle and I don't see eye to eye on things," Jordan restated.

"Oh," Shawn said quietly, looking around the room so he wouldn't have to look the other man in the eyes. If Uncle Tommy didn't like him, there certainly had to be something wrong with him, but deep down, Shawn felt he could trust the man. But Uncle Tommy was rarely ever wrong. But maybe just this once…

Jordan could feel the tension when Shawn looked away and busied himself with objects around the room. If he did have a gift he sure wished he could read people's minds, because Jordan would have given any amount of money to be able to know what was going through the teen's head at that very moment.

"Why did I run away?" Shawn finally said, figuring that this man would know. He had heard their entire conversation (Jordan and Uncle Tommy), and it only made matters worse.

"You just had some family problems," Jordan said, not wanting to 'ruin Shawn and Susan's relationship' as Tom had put it. Although both Shawn and Susan did a pretty good job at ruining that in the past. Shawn's memory issue was working more in favor of them than him, and Jordan was more than just a little upset about that.

"I did?" Shawn asked.

Jordan decided not to go any further on the topic. "It'll come back to you, promise," Jordan said, patting the boy on the shoulder.

"It will?"

"Promise," Jordan smiled.

Shawn didn't push the issue anymore. He could tell that the man didn't want to talk about it. So like he said, it would come back to him. Shawn just hoped that it would come soon. He hated being confused and in the dark.

Suddenly, Kyle burst in the door. "Shawn man!" he said, nearly tripping as he rushed to get over to his best friend's side. Shawn was so happy to see first hand that Kyle was all right. But then he reminded himself that he didn't remember anything that happened since the beach incident, and that was so long ago.

Jordan sighed. His time was up, as much as he didn't want to leave, he knew that he had to go. He went to go out the door when Shawn's voice stopped him.

"Thanks a lot Jordan," Shawn said, his voice sounding very sincere.

Once again (like he had so many times so far today), Jordan smiled. "Any time Shawn," he responded, before leaving.

Yes, Shawn was on the mend, things could only get better.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n:** Where'd all y'all go?

Saynt Jimmy - xD! Exactly, and sorry if I confused you, Shawn can't remember anything from before he was abducted, like the last thing he remembered was drinking at the beach with Kyle… does that clear things up?

sarahofearth - Yeah, I have so much crap to do before school gets started… xD, wouldn't want you to hurt your monitor or anything like that… I know, Sunday seems to be the day I always want to come quickly (except for marching season when I look forward to Fridays). Yes, yay for angry Jordan, at least I think he is gonna be angry.

Spice9 - I'm glad.

4400 - I try to get in the head of the characters… but yes, you did make sense. Trust me.

Oh yeah, I started a Xanga where I'll be posting my updates and such, if you're interested. It is just the www. xanga. com / rockstarhobbit (without the spaces of course). Feel free to check it out. It is still in progress, but if you wanna comment with ideas and yell at me to write, feel free to do it there.

Thanks for reading!


	10. I Am Home

**Guiding Light**

**---------------------------------**

**Summary: **Shawn Farrell has a gift, but all gifts come at a price. Or maybe this is just a down side to his gift. There's only one way to find out.

**A/n:** Sorry about the wait. I have been like uber busy… how long has it been? A long long time…August? 5 months… but I haven't written anything really… stupid school…

**Disclaimer:** The 4400 belongs to USA… if I owned it… JORDAN WOULDN'T HAVE DIED…

**---------------------------------**

"**I Am Home"**

**---------------------------------**

The conversation with Kyle tired Shawn out. He was happy that Kyle was okay, but the conversation he had had with Jordan Collier earlier still ran through his mind, even as he pretended to drift off to sleep.

He discovered that that was something he was quite good at. He had used it twice already. It made people leave him alone. They didn't leave, they just stopped talking to him. It made things a bit more peaceful.

Well, as peaceful as things could be when you were extremely confused. When you wake up not knowing that over four years had passed since the last thing you remembered, and apparently, you were missing for three years, and were some strange… person sent from the future.

In some ways, Shawn wished that his conversation with Jordan hadn't been cut off so quickly by Kyle coming in, but some things couldn't be stopped.

But there was something about Kyle. He just sensed that there was something different about him that Shawn couldn't place. He wasn't the old Kyle. Even though it was the same Kyle. Wasn't it?

**---------------------------------**

A little over a week passed. Shawn was discharged. Jordan insisted he return to the 4400 Center, but he was overruled. Shawn went home with his mother and brother, Danny.

Jordan didn't really know what to do, and that was probably a first. Shawn showed no signs of remembering anything, and all Jordan figured he could do anymore was wait for his memory to come back. And even though Jordan could tell Shawn was confused with everything going on, and had a sincere interest for what happened to him, he seemed so happy around Kyle, Susan, and even Danny. Deep down, as much as Jordan wanted Shawn around, Shawn was happy with his family.

At least for now.

**---------------------------------**

Shawn was happy. He had not forgotten talking with Jordan about what he was… and what he could supposedly do, but it was so farfetched…

So Shawn tried to forget. While Uncle Tommy did talk about the 4400 every now and then, just one look from Shawn would make him change the topic quickly.

Soon, Uncle Tommy would leave… Danny would go do something and it was just Shawn and his mother.

"I'm bored," Shawn said with a bit of a chuckle. He was so used to having something to do, places to be… now all his friends were older than him… and almost done with college. That was a scary thought.

"We should go see a movie," Susan said after a few beats of silence.

Shawn just looked at his mother before laughing again. "Come on mom, are you serious? The movies? Like, you and me?"

Susan nodded. "Is that so weird? We used to go to the movies all the time!"

Shawn laughed, but gave his mother a serious look. "When I was six!"

Susan chuckled, but then noticed the look on her son's face. "Shawn… Shawn… are you okay?" Susan asked, the joking tone in her voice completely gone.

What the hell was happening? Shawn had just zoned out, for no reason. It was the middle of the conversation. And he was the last one to talk. Susan grabbed her son's shoulders and shook him.

No change.

"Shawn…"

**---------------------------------**

_Danny rushed in stopping the conversation between Shawn and Susan. "SHAWN! YOU PRICK!" he shouted before punching Shawn._

"_Danny!" Shawn shouted, raising his hands up to protect his face. _

_Little did he know his mother screamed his younger brother's name at the same time._

_Shawn threw his brother into a chair. It was the only thing he could think of to protect Danny. "Listen to me," Shawn said, the words coming out of his mouth so calmly. Shawn didn't know what was happening._

"_You goddamn freak!" Danny shouted. Shawn flinched slightly. Since when was Danny calling him that? Danny ran at Shawn, knocking him to the ground. _

"_DANNY! Stop this! BOYS! Please! Danny, Shawn stop!" The sound of his mother shouting faded into the background as Danny continued punching Shawn. _

_Suddenly, Shawn reached up and placed his hands on his brother's chest. Danny stopped moving._

"_Stop blaming me for Nikki! Don't you see it's over between you two?" Shawn didn't know what was happening, but all the color was being drained out of Danny's face, right in front of him._

"_That's enough! Shawn, stop it! You're killing him!" The color suddenly came back as Susan pulled Danny away from Shawn. _

"_What did you do?" she asked angrily._

"_I don't know!" Shawn said, the first truthful thing to come out of his mouth. "I didn't mean to do anything!"_

_He looked at his brother. "Danny…" He reached out to help him, but was stopped by his mother._

"_GET AWAY FROM HIM!"_

_Not knowing what else to do, Shawn ran out of the house, right into… Nikki. "Shawn… I heard you guys shouting," she said, reaching to pull him into a hug._

_Shawn backed away. "Don't touch me…" he said, not wanting the same thing to happen to Nikki._

_The memory faded and then suddenly opened up again._

_He was looking right into the face of Jordan Collier. "I tried really hard and… no matter what I've done, which way I've turned it just… it sucks. I need to clrar my head and get away for a while. I gues… what I'm asking is if I could stay here for a while..."_

_Jordan paused. "Shawn, you're one of the 4400. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay here as long as you want…_

_Shawn smiled. "That's great man. Thanks. Thank you._

_Jordan returned the smile. "So erm… tell me a little bit more about this ability of yours…"_

"_SHAWN!"_

**---------------------------------**

"SHAWN!"

Shawn blinked a few times. What the hell had happened. He turned and looked at his mother.

"Shawn… are you okay?" Susan asked.

Shawn didn't respond.

"_GET AWAY FROM HIM!" _The image of Danny almost dead flashed before his eyes. He stood up quickly.

"Shawn…" Susan repeated.

Shawn bit his lower lip. "I think… I'm tired… I think I'm gonna go to bed…" he said slowly, turning without another word and heading up towards his room.

He was more confused than ever. He figured it was time to figure out what he was, and what the hell he did to Danny.

He had to take a short visit to the Center.

**---------------------------------**

The next day, Shawn got up to drive to the Center. He had to make sure he didn't wake his mother. His mother really didn't want him going there. But he remembered Jordan Collier… and he remembered that Jordan knows about what he could do.

He knew that Jordan Collier was the only person who could answer his questions.

When he finally got to the Center (having gotten there very oddly without getting lost, and not knowing where exactly it was), there were many cars there. A lot of cars.

And a lot of people.

Shawn closed the door. Everyone there was wearing dresses and suits, and he felt very out of place in his t-shirt and jeans.

There must have been some sort of party going on or something. Shawn closed his eyes.

Jordan Collier was the only person who would tell him the answers to all the questions running through his head.

Slowly, the teen opened his eyes, this was it.

He walked into the Center, where there were even more people.

A girl stood up on a mini-stage.

"Good afternoon. Thank you for coming to the center. We have a great day planned for you, but before we get started, I'd like to thank the man who made this all possible. I mean that literally. He didn't just pay for the food. He built this place and this movement. So I'd like you to please welcome, a mentor, a friend, Mr. Jordan Collier."

There was applause. A bad feeling grew within Shawn.

Jordan walked up to the microphone. "Thank you. And thank you Devon for that introduction." He smiled that patented Jordan Collier smile. For some reason, just seeing the man smile, made him feel happy.

Jordan began talking, but at the moment it was the least of Shawn's worried. Uncle Tommy was there.

"Shawn?" Uncle Tommy asked.

Shawn burst into a run. Uncle Tommy would make him leave. And if he left, Shawn had a bad feeling he would never come back.

Suddenly, Shawn stopped moving as he heard gun shots. While everyone dropped to the ground, Shawn's eyes met Jordan's.

He had been shot.

Oh shit.

Shawn began running, towards Jordan, but was stopped just inches from Jordan by Uncle Tommy.

"Let me go! Let me go!" Shawn shouted. He saw what he could do to Danny. Why couldn't he do the opposite of that? He needed to know!

He could help. He began thrashing against his Uncle's grasp. "Jordan. Oh God!"

The medics came in Tom held Shawn tighter.

"Let me go… please…" Shawn said, he was so upset right now. Suddenly Tom lets go of Shawn when the shooter gets his attention. Shawn lunged towards Jordan, putting his hands on his chest. He took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes.

Concentrated.

He was pissed off when he sucked the life out of Danny. So he thought back to a time when he was so overjoyed and happy. It wasn't a memory he remembered to well, but it seemed to be working.

Jordan arched and took a sharp intake of breath.

The medics are shocked and tried to push Shawn away. Shawn stopped for a moment.

"Breathing's stopped, we're losing him again. Come on…" one of the medics said.

That was all Shawn needed. "No! You're not going anywhere yet! I NEED YOU!"

He shouted in pain as he tried his hardest to heal Jordan, but knew it was a lost cause.

Suddenly, Shawn was pulled back from Jordan by his Uncle's firm grasp.

Shawn began fighting again. "LET GO OF ME!" he shouted angrily. But it was no use. The medics seemed to have given up on saving Jordan. He stopped fighting, his head hung in defeat.

He let his Uncle pull him closer as Shawn just stared at Jordan's dead body.

Dead.

Not alive.

Tears silently sprung to his eyes, and Shawn didn't know why.

He forced his way out of his uncle's grasp. So many things were running through his head. So many things. So many questions. And even if… even if Jordan couldn't answer them, he wouldn't get the answers from Uncle Tommy or his mother.

"Shawn!" Tom said. "Let's go home."

Shawn turned around and just glared at his Uncle. The memory of the fight with Danny and his mom replayed in his head. "I am home…" he said slowly.

He didn't know what came over him to make him say that.

But Tom just looked at him, and Shawn glared right back.

**---------------------------------**

**A/n: **Yeah… this chapter is what happens after taking a 5 month long break from writing it, and forgetting a lot of what was planned.

sarahofearth - Twice the Jordan? And no, don't tell me, please! I'm in love with Jordan and he's not allowed to be really dead, but don't tell me, because this is one show I'm not going to spoil for myself, because I do enough of that with Lost. And that sucks. I hate typos, and it is funny because I make so many of them, and currently, I am beta-less, so I beta my own stuff, and I suck at that. If only I could turn it upside down… nevermind. I'll try to update sooner.

Saynt Jimmy - Maybe…

Spice9 - Memory back?

4400 - Thanks… even though I can barely remember anything about the finale…

Mellaithwen - Shawn angst? I just realized it was very angsty… xD… and Jordan is my hero… so he can do whatever he wants to.

Fletty - This was a pretty dramatic chapter, I think…

RuByMoOn17 - getting your review is what made me feel like writing! THANKS!

Okay guys... please review...


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